Smoke ‘Em if You Got ‘Em

The thing I like about smoking is that it’s the perfect passive-aggressive move. It eliminates the need to speak. You simply take out a cigarette, focus all your negative thoughts about a situation or a person onto it, light it on fire, and suck it in–thereby consuming the source of all your outrage. Not to mention the fact that it pisses off so many people these days, which satisfies much latent hostility.

Today was the perfect day to take up smoking again. Something about being greeted first thing in the morning by a chastising e-mail, receiving numerous scathing phone calls from perturbed prospective clients, and having to sit through seven hours of bureaucratic bullshit with a self-righteous veneer; I don’t know, that just says “Virginia Slim Menthol Lights” to me. Amidst all the negativity I knew there were twenty little friends waiting in my purse, ready to help me create my own private inferno.

This day was a turd. This year has been a turd so far.