I’ve discovered my special knack, that skill unique to me that I carry from job to job regardless of industry or position. It is the ability to instill either fear or distaste in those who have the opportunity to prosper me, such that they work to minimize my involvement in things or they circumvent me altogether.
How do I include this as an asset on a resume?
I knew earlier this week, when my colleague told me he was meeting with our “business partners” and I wasn’t invited, that he was marginalizing me. I even called him out on it–in a nice way. I’ve gotten very good at conveying my disappointment in a dispassionate tone; I don’t yet embody apathy, but it’s on the horizon. He was not swayed. Sure enough, he met with them and set up a deal between him and them, a deal to which I presumably will be an after-the-fact contractor. Thanks, dude–I definitely put in all that advance work and planning so that I could be set up in another subsidiary position where someone else can dictate both my work and my compensation!
My problem seems to be an unwillingness to continue assuming a prone position. How long must I pay dues? Whether to an employer or a lover, how long do I submit before I reach a level that allows me to weigh in on the direction of things? Or perhaps the problem is more personal and insidious: perhaps I’m doing something to sabotage my own advancement. In trying to model an honest and transparent way of doing business, perhaps I’m revealing too much of my game plan and others are wont to simply use it and discard me.
Plus I just piss people off.
Oh well. I’m getting used to this now and don’t want to spend a lot of time navel-gazing to determine how I can better fit in. Lady Gaga and Madonna and Sarah Palin don’t worry how to fit in, or how to improve themselves in order to meet the demands of the world. They just do what they want to do.
What do I want to do?